Experiences with strangers: my journey couchsurfing and hitchhiking!
It was around midnight, and I was crying to my parents about how I wanted to go home, I was too scared to stay the night at a friend's house. I was 13. Growing up, I was often too scared to stay at friend's houses for the night, and there were several instances where my parents had to pick me up in the middle of the night.
Now this could be normal for kids growing up, but I would definitely say that when I was younger, I was uncharacteristically scared of a lot of things. In fact, until I was roughly 13, I would pray for about 30 minutes every night, listing all the kinds of things that could happen: car crashes, cancer, being mugged, kidnapped, it was an endless list, and frankly pretty cool that I had an entire 30 minute script memorised that I went through every night.
So how on earth am I now writing this at a complete strangers house in Basel Switzerland, a stranger who I had just messaged out of the blue yesterday afternoon? And, in a world where a lot of the news paints a picture of stranger danger, just how much should we trust strangers?
Over the past two years I have been trying to expand my comfort zone and “expand the box”, chatting to random strangers and doing things outside of my usual range of comfort. I think this is particularly important to help you realise what is possible in life - and to have a ton of fun!
The beginnings of my journey to expand the box all started with a YouTube video I did on a channel called Social Animal (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAiZ905Ro8s&t=64s&ref=robbiemstevens.com). Before then, the idea of going up to a random stranger and turning them into a friend, seemed so foreign and scary, what would happen if they said no? It felt illegal. Yet it’s exactly what I did. That day, before the video, I was walking alongside someone and said “Hey how’s it going!”, and we ended up spending half the day together. If you’re reading this Jordan…I hope the offer to come to South Africa and visit you still stands!
After two years of doing things like this, the catalyst for deciding to stay at random stranger’s houses was a dinner I had with my friend Shun a week ago. He told me about how he had taken a bus to Leeds and walked around the city asking people whether he could stay at their house, and the 15th person said yes! Shun then did the exact same thing in Edinburgh a few days later.
Growing up we are all taught “stranger danger”, great advice for kids. But there are so many great adventures to be had by seeking discomfort and getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. I’m convinced there are far far more kind people out there than bad, and very few dangerous people.
A few days ago I initially hadn’t thought much about the danger of staying with a stranger, and wasn’t too scared. But that night, when the random person I met, put on a crime documentary about people getting stabbed, I began to realise that the world can be pretty dangerous and what the hell was I doing here, what if I had chosen another stranger who was a kidnapper? Not a great story. The guy was also a self defence guy, and as he was showing me the different moves on how to defend yourself, I realised in a fight against a kidnapper, despite my Robbie martial arts (the best kind of course xd), I would be pretty screwed, if not very very screwed. This is coming from someone who ran out of the Ghostbusters movie, was scared of Harry Potter and always made sure to lock my bedroom door at night.
I mainly went with the probability on this one, it’s unlikely he’s a kidnapper, therefore; I might as well go for it, and free accommodation! Although having failed my maths exam at Christmas, maybe probability isn’t my strong suit.
The next morning I left alive and well from the strangers apartment, but no longer a stranger, a friend, a friend called Marco who has a passion for martial arts and helping others. I headed across Switzerland to a high-lining course in the Swiss alps (see below a photo):
After doing the high-lining course I then stayed with a completely different stranger called Nicola. Upon arriving at Nicola’s he had already cooked up some amazing Italian food (having grown up in Sardinia), and we shared laughs over watching the Big Bang Theory. I left the next day with another friend and some great memories.
After meeting some friends in Spain, I needed to get down to Porto Portugal. I have always wanted to try hitchhiking, but looking it up on forums, people said it was dangerous and in this “day and age”, people should just get a taxi. Not one to pay attention to conventional “wisdom”, I began my hitchhiking journey. I had no clue what to do, so I just started walking in the vague direction of Portugal. I stopped at a local gas station, and in the best Spanish I could muster, I asked for some cardboard…several hand gestures and one confused employee later, I got some cardboard and a pen, where I wrote down “PORTO”. I commenced the walk once more. 10 minutes later I saw a car moving towards me, out my thumb went, and to my surprise, the car stopped! The driver drove me 30 minutes out of Vigo to a roundabout where I could catch cars going on the motorway. Having gotten pretty lucky from the first car, I assumed this hitchhiking thing would be easy peasy, I was wrong…45 minutes later I was about to give up hope and go somewhere else, when a kind old gentleman stopped on the hard shoulder and I quickly got in. When I told him what I was doing, he started talking about dangerous people in Portugal and how I was much better to get a bus. A few walks and cars later, I arrived at the border of Portugal! I had once again gotten allured into a false sense of control, thinking the whole hitchhiking thing was easy, so I took a good hour break at a Portuguese castle eating some nuts. When I tried to start hitchhiking again, I was reminded just how few people wanted to stop for a disheveled 20 year old guy, with perhaps too big a smile than necessary. After all, why would they trust me? I could just as easily be a murderer as they could. 2 hours later I was still out of luck, and with it about to get dark and no place to sleep, I began looking at buses. I decided to try hitchhiking for another hour, and if I failed, a bus would be it. With renewed determination, I started asking a group of old ladies with cats, if I could hitch a ride, they were about to say yes, until they realised I was going a different direction to them. Seeing my persistence, and also desperation, a man I had asked earlier came up to me, and said he would take me to Porto if I waited for his family to finish eating - I joyfully accepted, collapsing on the grass by his car. 30 minutes later his wife and two kids joined me. I got squished in between two child safety seats, and with his children crying at the fact there was a stranger in the car, off we went. The journey despite the lack of room, was really fun and insightful, getting to learn about what it was like to become a dad and mum to two new kids. Not only that, but his kids finally became accustomed to me, and let me play with their toys, and gave me a lollipop, and whilst I haven’t had a lolly in two years, for this, I made an exception.
The family dropped me off in Porto, and with farewells said, I set off on my next mission, where would I stay the night? Having couch surfed in Switzerland already, my mind was completely open to finding someone to stay with, but who would it be? A stranger called Matheus that I had messaged earlier that day, got back to me and said he had finished work and that I should come over. Whilst I’ve met so many kind people in my life, Matheus and his wife Luci, have to be among the kindest I’ve met, going out of their way to make sure I was looked after. After I arrived at Luci and Matheus’, we headed out, finishing the day with an incredible board game night with all of their friends. An incredible end to my travels.
Sooooo…to what extent should you trust strangers and go on adventures like this?
Whilst I’m in a pretty privileged position of being less likely a target that people would want to hurt, from my limited experience all the people I have met have been super kind. I would rather live all out and trust people, believing in the goodness of humankind. But similarly don’t take my advice! I don’t want to be liable for anything if you trust a stranger and it doesn’t work out, but I’m going to continue trusting strangers, because I think humanity is awesome, and people are capable of so much good, if you let them! :D
Here are some things I want to think more about this year:
- Philosophy on the nature of evil and good, the beliefs I hold haven’t really been heavily philosophised on yet and I don’t have much to back up my thinking.
- Negotiating and controlling situations through the way you speak (Never Split the Difference and Verbal Judo for example), I want to put myself in more intense situations where it's necessary to be able to communicate effectively.
- Self defence and martial arts, I don't want to die.
- Risk tolerance: how we should evaluate situations from driving a car to skydiving, where is the limit of risk?
Here are some tips I’ve collected on staying safe if you decide to go Couchsurfing and/or hitchhiking:
- Don’t go immediately into a strangers home, meet them outside: I was bought lunch by my lovely host Marco before going into his home, which made me feel more trust towards him.
- Have a torch and whistle for safety protection and also a door lock if possible. On amazon, if you search, "portable door lock": https://www.amazon.co.uk/Door-Stop-Alarm-Portable-Lock/dp/B0CW6D53CJ/ref=asc_df_B0CW6D53CJ?tag=bingshoppinga-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80814294110369&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4584413764485646&psc=1
- If anything is dodgy, leave and have a backup host, I had two backups who had also offered to host me in Switzerland and one in Portugal.
- Probably do a self defence course, or maybe not, I think the likelihood of anything bad happening is pretty low. But, once again, probability isn't my strong suit.
- Try and get a room where you can lock it, which is often not possible in my experience, but would allow for extra comfort if need be.
Here are some beliefs important to encapsulate:
- 99 no’s lead to 1 yes - persistence is key!
- Love over fear, and seek discomfort! But do it safely and responsibly.
- Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.